I Thought I’d Try

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Fall…the time when you try to make the house winter-ready. I’m sure

M.E. Orchard
M.E. Orchard

there’s a checklist somewhere about what you’re supposed to do to get your house in physical order for the upcoming armageddon of winter, but I can’t find it and I actually didn’t really look all that hard for it.

I think the best I usually do is call for a burner tune-up, and even that I sometimes forget to do. Deep thinking, especially about the future, is not my strong point. Here’s what my list looks like in reality:

Call the oil company. They’re so used to me being late with maintenance that they are no longer surprised by it. They are very kind. Do the final fertilization (what am I on a farm?). I’ll ask my husband to handle that. Check the fireplace. I’m no Mary Poppins so I’ll ask my hubby to do that also. I really don’t look good with soot all over my face.

I also have to check the caulking around the windows for any potential air leaks. Uh, no. I think of air leaks as an alternate air conditioning system, and also a tunnel for the air, which might develop as a result of something being overcooked…OK, burnt. Cover the air conditioners. I have big dinners to get through over the winter and the A/C is a lung cleansing must have—even when it’s snowing out. Cover the patio furniture and put away all umbrellas. This is sad. Due to some nasty bugs, I only got to sit outside in my lovely new alcove covered by an enormous navy blue umbrella just once or twice. I was just thinking I could make a gazebo-type enclosure instead so that I could then use it all year long and not worry about bugs. The benefit of a gazebo is the fact that I wouldn’t have to check for hidden bugs between the folds of an umbrella, and moldy patches, and then wrestle the seven-foot-high Sunbrella skirt to tie it up for the year.

Can’t forget the grill. It was used once this summer. Easy enough to cover that, but what about all those accessories I bought for it? I actually have a Himalayan salt mine slab of marble to “salt” my food before it gets cooked. It’s pretty and has shades of pink in it. It makes me feel all Tibetan just looking at it. I haven’t used it yet because now my husband tells me he wants to watch his sodium intake.

Oh, and wash all the windows. I count on rain to do the outside. And high winds. I guess I can do the inside. I bought a really nice cloth to clean the windows crystal clear. I have no idea where it is so I think I’ll just use newspapers and Windex. Now where did I put the gloves to keep the ink off of my newly manicured nails?

Winter-ready? Must I, really?

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